Life & Times of the Wannabe Homemade Bread Maker

I have finally mastered my Bread recipe! I can't tell you how thrilled I am! Here I am, thirty-five twenty-nine years old and I finally know how to make bread. I can't tell you how incredibly excited and previously stupid I have been.

I never made the homemade bread in the restaurant years. That was up to Pappy. In the rare times I did make it, it went to the trash can for a number of reasons.

So I got discouraged and gave up. I mean, Seriously who can't make bread? My ancestors learned how to make bread at eight years old, over a wood burning stove, without shoes, teaching their siblings how it'd done. You get the idea.

One of my sweet friends gave me her recipe. I was so excited because I thought finally I got it!

Nope.

I was able to get it to raise well, but once baked it was heavy and the middle was still doughy, yet nearly burnt on the outside.

Epic Fail!

I gave up again for awhile until my husband got me a sweet 6-quart kitchen aid mixer for Christmas.

I love Mr. Molly Mormon!

So, again, I carefully measured out everything including the 10 cups of flour that happily kneaded in my new mixer.

This was going to work! I could feel it in my bones. I envisioned the honey butter going on the first piece as I celebrated as it melted in my mouth.

Nope! I still had the same results. Heavy dough with uncooked middle and crunchy outside. Again, severe frustration!

Damn those Bread Gods!!

I told my kids today that swearing is a sign of a feeble mind unable to express itself.

In this case, unable to make a damn loaf of homemade bread!!

At this point I only had two choices. Call Pappy and admit my weakness or give up on the Bread endeavors forever.

"Hey Pops." I say humbly on the phone. "I'm having a really hard time." I admit it. My dad picks up on my sympathy and his need to rescue the damsel in distress taking over his daughter. I tell him the problems I'm having and get his recipe. He proceeds to walk me through some of the mistakes I've made and I reluctantly try again. But I swore I would be done forever if this didn't work.

It worked!! Smack My Mack! I made bread! Here is the recipe.

Our Apologies! Recipe Removed

Pops pointed out further a few more items. You can switch out different ingredients to get different bread flavoring, but it shouldn't change the consistency of the dough. I wanted to do a sugar free mix so I made another batch substituting the sugar for honey powder.

Hallelujah! Golden brown honey bread! I'm so glad I finally figured it out! So many of you awesome bread makers can finally welcome me to the club!