de·spise diˈspīz/verb 1. feel contempt or a deep repugnance for.
"he despised himself for being selfish"
synonyms: detest, hate, loathe, abhor, execrate, deplore
Okay, perhaps the term "Hog Tie" is slightly an exaggeration. And highly unethical.
First thing they always say is, "Awww...You're a soda drinker!" Where Typsy Gypsy would easily reply, "At least its not Tequila!" And I agree.
The next thing they will ask is, "Do you floss daily?" Where I sarcastically want to say, "Yep. Everyday. Right after the Tequila!" Which in all honesty, neither are true.
Then they get out all the hard metal objects that grind against my teeth in only a way similar to nails on a chalkboard. My nails dig into the cushy dental chair and I am certain that only the dogs three blocks down the street can hear the scraping off my sensitive girly gums.
Oh. And I can proudly say that I haven't had a soda in over six weeks!
I've been tired ever since. But I digress.
Anyway because I have so much discomfort at the simple thought of going to the prison dentist, I procrastinate. I put it off. I need a dentist. Badly! I just know it. The worse problem, however, is yet to come.
They often diagnose your oral challenges in the first visit. Take the x-rays and make comments like you're not even there."She has a crevasse in the 10th & 11th frame." Or "She will need extensive painful drilling that will traumatize her for life."
Okay, That last statement isn't true. Or at least I don't think it is. You know what, yes. It's true.
Then there would be at least three dental visits because for some crazy reason they can never get all the work done in one sitting. And lets be honest, I'm in tears before making the appointment. (Yes. Literal tears with the receptionist feeling so bad, they have to speak to the dentist over our options before calling me back.) Now I have to go back three times??? Why can't they knock me out in one day, drill for gold, prescribe me one Loritab and send me on my loopy way? I'm finding that few dentists are open to this option.
So there is one dentist that will do it and people I know keep saying, "You should go see him. He's great!" And I know for a fact he is a great dentist. But there is this additional dreadful nag totally aside from him being a dentist.
It's the fact that he used to be my bishop. He would be my Dentist that used to be my bishop. This brings a whole new array of comments heard from the awkward uncomfortable dental chair. Like "It's okay, I knew this one was a procrastinator." and "Well. I see you're teeth are as dirty as your teenage years were."
I think I would rather buddy up with my Gynecologist.
So, I will be making an appointment with a Dentist soon. I will be courageous. I will survive. And in total retaliation I will blog the entire process with names, dates, and Google map locations.
Wish me luck!
